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I’m back! I had a wonderful experience playing The Cat in Seussical. For me it was an experience in embodying being alive, playful, mischievous, and being connected to the power of child-like imagination and possibility. The role also filled my life to the brim, which was a valuable experience of another kind.

Since the show ended I’ve been enjoying having more empty space and rejuvenating my practice of generating spaciousness in my life. My practice involves many modalities, including Contemplative Movement, Feldenkris, Tai chi, Continuum, Zapchen, Somatic Respiratory Integration, prayer and meditation. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, as long as it supports me to move towards presence, awareness and being the witness of my mind rather than it’s puppet.

What I notice as I move into this space is that conversations bubble up from my mind that address areas of my life where I’m currently feeling resistance or incompleteness. Sometimes a situation or event will arise and the process of witnessing it that one time will be enough to allow it to be integrated. Other times the same situation will keep rising up in the empty space. This is a good sign to me that I might be needing to step in further by having a conversation, taking an action, or renewing an intent. The rising up acts like a compass, pointing me in the direction of my unfolding path of wholeness.

This week what arose was a situation with a client who is currently on a break from coaching, but whom I have been spending time and energy thinking about and emailing regarding our coaching and a request of hers. What hit me in that moment of contemplation was that I had been resisting and resenting these exchanges because I had been holding it as though “I shouldn’t have to be involved in these conversations while we’re on break”. As soon as I could see this, I immediately saw through this lie, and a miraculous spaciousness occurred. If I’m leaking power by holding onto my should, then what there is to do is to step into this further and have a conversation that supports clarity, spaciousness, and powerful choice!

My “should” vanished into thin air as my intent became clear and my willingness and capacity expanded exponentially. I can choose to add power and possibility to MY life by following through on my deepest intent. Now that’s a no brainer. For me this process is similar to what happens in coaching; we get out of the mode of “figuring it out”, clear ourselves of any debris getting in the way of our deepest intent, and take action from a place of clarity and ease.

How are you in relationship to thoughts that arise from places of fear, resistance or compulsion? How do you cultivate spaciousness in your life? What is rising up for you these days when you sit as the witness of your mind?

Happy Hollandaise!
Love
Todd.

As the credit crisis has many of us thinking about money issues, this week I decided to declare a breakdown in an area of my life in order to have a breakthrough. The area I was looking for a breakthrough in was around money conversations with other people. It started with noticing an ongoing underlying resentment that I was having with someone regarding a financial arrangement we had. The agreement had been made many years earlier, didn’t make sense to me, and simply wasn’t working for me anymore. I realized that by avoiding stepping into this conversation, I was having an ongoing internal conversation that was robbing us both of connection and wasn’t meeting my need for having a balanced and intimate relationship.

I declared the breakdown, and decided to have a conversation with this person. That’s when the fun began! Everything that had gotten in my way of having this conversation began coming up. I heard the voices of justification supporting the changing of our arrangement, and felt the fears of being judged as unfair, tight, selfish, and greedy come reeling upon me. I realized that this is what I had been hoping to avoid by not having this conversation, and I could see how I was avoiding those same feelings around being judged all over my life. The thought occurred, where else could I declare a breakdown with the intent of having more integrity, connection, and clean and clear agreements around financial arrangements?

In less than a week I declared the same breakdown in my primary relationship, with a house mate, with a relative, and with a client. Every conversation has been a wonderful opportunity to add clarity, integrity, and deep connection to my relationships. Some conversations have been easy, while others I’ve stumbled into less skillfully than I would have liked, or have run into other people’s survival mechanism conversations around money. Some of these conversations are still incomplete.  I’m appreciating it all as I step into these tender areas, because I’m feeling the layers peeling away and noticing the freedom that’s possible from the release of old, ineffective strategies. The good news is, the bigger the block is, the more possibility you can access by moving through it!

How are you in conversation with others around money? Is your way of being in these conversations satisfying to you? Are you ready to declare a breakdown? When we let go of our defenses and have connection and “all needs met” as our deepest intent, the powerful results can be surprising!

Ready for a good laugh? Come see me in Seussical next month!

Love,
Todd.

I was talking to a friend today about the practice of living in the present. We were lamenting American’s attachment to control and specific outcomes, as opposed to the practice of living with clear intentions based on our deepest values and commitments with a resounding yes to the naturally unfolding path of what is. I’ve often wondered about “retirement” and what exactly that means to most Americans. Does it mean we stop being actively engaged in our life’s work? Does it mean our values shift? Does it mean that we’ve finally arrived and can now enjoy life?

Those possible interpretations of retirement don’t resonate with me at all. I know I’ll always have many projects that I’ll be involved in, some of which I will receive compensation in dollars for, others of which I won’t, but all of which are a reflection of what I’m up to in this life. Today a new definition of retirement came to me; no longer living a job-centric life.

As soon as this definition occurred to me, I declared,”I’m retired”. I realized in that moment that I had retired several years ago, but that I just hadn’t claimed it yet. Interestingly enough, it was soon after I retired that I took my first regular “job” after 7 years of coaching full time, which is the part time position I currently have as a Case Manager at the Santa Cruz AIDS Project where I support clients and have implemented and am running a Wellness Program.

Are you ready for retirement? Go ahead, claim it! What would shift in your life today if you gave yourself permission to let go of some of your job-centric thinking and simply committed yourself to being engaged in the work that is most important to you?  It could be the best career move you ever make!

love,

Todd.

What exactly does that mean with regard to our night-time dreams? I’ve been having some powerful dreams lately. This morning I was dreaming about a dear friend I met in Taiwan over 20 years ago when I was teaching English there. I was young, in the closet, and in love. He was a dear, straight friend, and the object of my longing. The content of my dream was a replay of an old fantasy. Is that a dream I would choose to follow? Not literally. It doesn’t serve me to fantasize about a changed past. I recognize now that what I was really craving was connection, and my life is abundantly full of that now. I did get a valuable insight though. I woke up with more clarity and perspective regarding that time in my life. This is an example of a dream I don’t choose to follow, but did glean a message from.

The night before I dreamed of a high school reunion. Everyone got 5 minutes to get up and tell everyone about their present life. Everyone had notes and was nervous, which seemed comical to me. Finally someone entered with a defiant tone and spoke his mind. I asked him a couple of revealing questions, and the energy of the room shifted dramatically from one of nervousness and performance to relaxation and authentic connection.

I walked up to a high school classmate and invited him into a deep conversation. It wasn’t about our roles or our history, it was about what was emerging in our lives that’s deeply important to us, and about how we’re bringing ourselves forth. It was about connecting on a deep level and revealing our underlying truths.

This dream speaks deeply to my vision. My vision revolves around having deep, revealing, connecting conversations with people in which a clearing is created for our deeper truths to emerge. This vision is showing up all over my life, especially in my interactions with friends and acquaintances.

Now that is a dream worth following! I’m going to call that old classmate and invite him to have that conversation.

love,
Todd.

I’ve been noticing a pattern of judgment in my life lately. I am so passionate about the process of raising my consciousness and supporting others to do the same. I see circumstances and low levels of consciousness in the world, our government, my workplace, my church,… and I get really frustrated with wanting things to be different. It’s at these times when I feel a tightness in my chest and body and hear voices of judgment in my head. I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been speaking from that judgmental place, and putting out that energy all over my life. I know that speaking from a place of judgment doesn’t support the results I’m wanting, and so I am now willing to declare that my current strategies are not working for me.

I think it’s important to make the distinction between frustration and judgment. Frustration is what I’m feeling in those moments. Judgment is an old ineffective strategy I have for dealing with my frustration. It comes from wanting to feel powerful and effective and in control. It comes from the past. It isn’t working.

I know that one of the best things I can do to support myself to not get caught in this trap is to cultivate spaciousness. I am declaring today that I will not judge! When I’m in that stuck place I will allow and speak my emotions without the judgmental thoughts.

I am also committed to embracing all levels of consciousness, not just the higher, more spacious ones that I am so fond of.  It is only in the embracing of what is that change is possible.  It is  through acceptance that intention can be manifested.  That is the path that I am choosing.

Where is judgment showing up in your life?  Is it working?

love,

Todd.

Lately I’ve been feeling very positively about the world, myself, and just about everything.  As I’ve noticed this great feeling, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about faith.  I watched a movie last night with a strong message about faith.  It also had religious themes.  I woke up this morning thinking about the difference between those two.

I choose faith because it works for me!  By choosing faith I mean choosing to believe that I have enough, that I’ll be ok, that there is more than enough available, and that everything will be ok.  This doesn’t mean having faith that I’ll get that next client, but more like I’ll be ok whether or not the possible client and I decide to work together.  It doesn’t mean that a particular sick person will be healed, but more that there is a source of wellness in the universe that is absolute and untouchable.

You see, I believe that we are energetic beings in an energetic universe.  When I am standing in a place of faith, it has a particular effect on my life.  The affect is I feel good, confident, open, and connected.  This does not mean turning a blind eye to what’s so.  I just know that if I get stuck in my assessments of what might prevent a possibility that I’m wanting, then I’m living my life in a place of fear and control.  I choose instead to look to ground my assessments, all the while knowing that I’m choosing to have and feed the quality of faith in my life.

When my faith is challenged, it is a sign to me that I am holding onto something.  It is one of the great paradoxes of life that if I let go of something turning out a particular way while still holding the intention, then the outcome I’m wanting becomes more likely.  That is why I choose faith.  I choose to live in a way that is life affirming, adds possibility, and supports a sense of wonder, connectedness, empathy, and love in the world.

What is your relationship to faith?

love,
Todd.

Last night I could feel myself coming down with the flu. I slept restlessly, and had a slight fever. I woke up this morning a bit groggy, but also feeling very peaceful. I spent a couple of hours just lying in bed, enjoying being in my body, noticing my breath, and relaxing. You see, when my body is dealing with illness this strange thing happens. I just stop. I completely give myself permission to stop doing anything, drop my schedule and my plans, and spend my time peacefully staying connected to me.

It’s at times like this that I notice the level of addiction to doing that still exists in my life. I have so many projects! I’m remodeling my kitchen (see image of arch), getting bids to replace windows, planning a ski trip for this weekend, refinancing my house, planning an anniversary show with Um…Gee…Um, working on a solo show, restructuring some of my finances, revamping my marketing materials and web site, I just joined a gym last week and am starting an exercise program, I singed up for a singing class at Cabrillo, I’m attending weekly Pray In though Inner Light Ministries, am in their Core Principles course, and then of course there’s my coaching business, working 20 hours a week at the Santa Cruz Aids Project, and my relationship! Don’t get me wrong, my life is this way because I love it! What I’m looking at, though, is what happens when I just stop?

I believe in freedom and choice. By this I mean true choice, meaning I can choose something or not, and am not compelled (controlled) to do or not do an act. In other words, am I really at choice if I can’t help but make only one choice? Am I at choice with the food I eat, or am I compelled to eat those chips at a party? Am I at choice as to watch or not watch TV, or am I compelled to turn it on at night? Am I at choice around my projects or can I just put them aside?

I can see that I’ve come a long way in these domains, especially with what I think is the biggest addiction in our culture; the addiction to doing. Today I’m taking a day off. Not because I’m in resistance to doing (that’s not really choice, that’s avoidance!), but because I’m listening to my body. Today I’m grateful for the simple opportunity to just breathe and be.

How is your relationship to doing and not doing? And of course, what do you think of my kitchen tile pattern?
love,
Todd.