Archive for February, 2008

I choose faith.

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

Lately I’ve been feeling very positively about the world, myself, and just about everything.  As I’ve noticed this great feeling, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about faith.  I watched a movie last night with a strong message about faith.  It also had religious themes.  I woke up this morning thinking about the difference between those two.

I choose faith because it works for me!  By choosing faith I mean choosing to believe that I have enough, that I’ll be ok, that there is more than enough available, and that everything will be ok.  This doesn’t mean having faith that I’ll get that next client, but more like I’ll be ok whether or not the possible client and I decide to work together.  It doesn’t mean that a particular sick person will be healed, but more that there is a source of wellness in the universe that is absolute and untouchable.

You see, I believe that we are energetic beings in an energetic universe.  When I am standing in a place of faith, it has a particular effect on my life.  The affect is I feel good, confident, open, and connected.  This does not mean turning a blind eye to what’s so.  I just know that if I get stuck in my assessments of what might prevent a possibility that I’m wanting, then I’m living my life in a place of fear and control.  I choose instead to look to ground my assessments, all the while knowing that I’m choosing to have and feed the quality of faith in my life.

When my faith is challenged, it is a sign to me that I am holding onto something.  It is one of the great paradoxes of life that if I let go of something turning out a particular way while still holding the intention, then the outcome I’m wanting becomes more likely.  That is why I choose faith.  I choose to live in a way that is life affirming, adds possibility, and supports a sense of wonder, connectedness, empathy, and love in the world.

What is your relationship to faith?

love,
Todd.

Just stop.

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

Last night I could feel myself coming down with the flu. I slept restlessly, and had a slight fever. I woke up this morning a bit groggy, but also feeling very peaceful. I spent a couple of hours just lying in bed, enjoying being in my body, noticing my breath, and relaxing. You see, when my body is dealing with illness this strange thing happens. I just stop. I completely give myself permission to stop doing anything, drop my schedule and my plans, and spend my time peacefully staying connected to me.

It’s at times like this that I notice the level of addiction to doing that still exists in my life. I have so many projects! I’m remodeling my kitchen (see image of arch), getting bids to replace windows, planning a ski trip for this weekend, refinancing my house, planning an anniversary show with Um…Gee…Um, working on a solo show, restructuring some of my finances, revamping my marketing materials and web site, I just joined a gym last week and am starting an exercise program, I singed up for a singing class at Cabrillo, I’m attending weekly Pray In though Inner Light Ministries, am in their Core Principles course, and then of course there’s my coaching business, working 20 hours a week at the Santa Cruz Aids Project, and my relationship! Don’t get me wrong, my life is this way because I love it! What I’m looking at, though, is what happens when I just stop?

I believe in freedom and choice. By this I mean true choice, meaning I can choose something or not, and am not compelled (controlled) to do or not do an act. In other words, am I really at choice if I can’t help but make only one choice? Am I at choice with the food I eat, or am I compelled to eat those chips at a party? Am I at choice as to watch or not watch TV, or am I compelled to turn it on at night? Am I at choice around my projects or can I just put them aside?

I can see that I’ve come a long way in these domains, especially with what I think is the biggest addiction in our culture; the addiction to doing. Today I’m taking a day off. Not because I’m in resistance to doing (that’s not really choice, that’s avoidance!), but because I’m listening to my body. Today I’m grateful for the simple opportunity to just breathe and be.

How is your relationship to doing and not doing? And of course, what do you think of my kitchen tile pattern?
love,
Todd.