Last night I could feel myself coming down with the flu. I slept restlessly, and had a slight fever. I woke up this morning a bit groggy, but also feeling very peaceful. I spent a couple of hours just lying in bed, enjoying being in my body, noticing my breath, and relaxing. You see, when my body is dealing with illness this strange thing happens. I just stop. I completely give myself permission to stop doing anything, drop my schedule and my plans, and spend my time peacefully staying connected to me.
It’s at times like this that I notice the level of addiction to doing that still exists in my life. I have so many projects! I’m remodeling my kitchen
(see image of arch), getting bids to replace windows, planning a ski trip for this weekend, refinancing my house, planning an anniversary show with Um…Gee…Um, working on a solo show, restructuring some of my finances, revamping my marketing materials and web site, I just joined a gym last week and am starting an exercise program, I singed up for a singing class at Cabrillo, I’m attending weekly Pray In though Inner Light Ministries, am in their Core Principles course, and then of course there’s my coaching business, working 20 hours a week at the Santa Cruz Aids Project, and my relationship! Don’t get me wrong, my life is this way because I love it! What I’m looking at, though, is what happens when I just stop?
I believe in freedom and choice. By this I mean true choice, meaning I can choose something or not, and am not compelled (controlled) to do or not do an act. In other words, am I really at choice if I can’t help but make only one choice? Am I at choice with the food I eat, or am I compelled to eat those chips at a party? Am I at choice as to watch or not watch TV, or am I compelled to turn it on at night? Am I at choice around my projects or can I just put them aside?
I can see that I’ve come a long way in these domains, especially with what I think is the biggest addiction in our culture; the addiction to doing. Today I’m taking a day off. Not because I’m in resistance to doing (that’s not really choice, that’s avoidance!), but because I’m listening to my body. Today I’m grateful for the simple opportunity to just breathe and be.
How is your relationship to doing and not doing? And of course, what do you think of my kitchen tile pattern?
love,
Todd.
